Thursday, February 19, 2009

Structural Awareness

Lately I have been spending a considerable amount of time with someone -- growing an acquaintance into a friendship that I hope is long lasting. Through this my self-awareness has increased. I see how have ordered my life into neat structures. I have self-imposed these structures to keep me honest and lessen procrastination. My friend jokingly refers me to being anal for having the seams of the lampshades in the living room turned to the wall. I am sure this is not what Dr. Sigmund Freud meant when he coined the term. It is both annoying and amusing to see that my friend has turned them "out."

What other rules do I daily apply? Electrical cords need to be coiled, not bow-tied. Hey, it makes sense if you want your stuff to last and provide you with safety you need to treat it well. I don't swear (much). I like tidiness. I have my countless alerts and alarms set in my Palm device so I am getting things done; getting to bed before eleven o'clock. I have been advised that I am formal person. This is funny because it is not how I see myself. On the other hand, I sometimes think I was born in the wrong era, and would like to believe I would have thrived in a more formal period.

My friend is more loosey-goosey in approaching life than I. The saying, "Life is short, live," is a real mantra in this person's walk. I have come to realize that there is no harm in this philosophy. We should live. I fear that as I get older I am being trapped into being too routine and too complacent. So I now know it is okay to be spontaneous. It is okay to have the lampshades turned out (just not all the time).

Even with this discernment I also know I can never be as care-free. I am a slave to my personality type. In my case, as it would be described by Florence Littauer (1) (2), I am a "melancholy." I require logic and order, lists, downtime and spurts of creativity. I used to resist the notion that I could be typecast. "Aren't I unique?" I asked. However, as I mature this insight has become more palatable. It actually helps me to know how to deal with other people not like me (there is still much to learn). Melancholy-patterned people have a tendency to be perfectionists. Well, I know this: I will not reach perfection in this life. Hopefully, by Christ's love for me, on the day I die I will be made perfect in heaven. What this means by present-day application is that I could wish/search for the all the "right" attributes in a partner, but the likelihood is I would never be satisfied. To find one Godly-person who isn't as curvy as a Heidi Klum, rather who is spontaneous, and who can bring laughter in great doses is better than most -- indeed is perfect. For eventually, all that which I desire in the flesh retires with age. It either will be the love of my partner's heart that sustains me and for which I will see as adding physical value as well or I will be hopelessly chained to the World and all that it values.


JAPB

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